Operation "Get Hot for Wedding"

    As part of Operation “Get Hot for Wedding” (hereafter referred to as Operation Hot), I joined a climbing gym.  I had already planned to join at some point, since I do enjoy climbing a lot, but now I have a legitimate excuse to spend money on a membership fee.  I wanted to be sure that I actually wanted to commit, so I tagged along with Greta from church when she went a couple of weeks ago.  That sealed the deal.  It was so awesome!!! 

    So this week, on Monday, instead of going to Supper Club, I went to the gym in downtown Oakland and got a membership from a long-haired climber-dude behind the counter.  He had the kind of biceps that bulge even when he’s just standing still.  Then on Tuesday, after grocery shopping, I biked down to the gym in Berkeley.  I checked at the front desk to see if I could do the “Intro to Climbing” class that started in 10 minutes, but I was by myself, and the girl at the counter said I should do it with a partner, so in the time between learning and practicing with someone, I don’t forget how to belay and end up killing my partner.  So I just bouldered instead.  Which is, in my opinion, really boring.  Basically it’s climbing without a rope, to a maximum height of about 10 feet.  Like I said, really boring.  And hell on the forearms. 

    So I just stood there and stared at the wall for awhile, then puttered around on some of the easier routes.  Evidently I was doing something BLATANTL Y wrong, because this dude came up and was like “Hey so….. you’re gonna want to do it this way……..”  and that was kind of embarrassing.  And then he insisted on sticking around while I heaved and huffed and puffed my way up one of the easiest routes on the wall.  I was like “um go away please.”  He was actually super nice and I’m sure he meant well.  I just don’t like it when people recognize that I’m obviously totally bad at something. 

    After my fingers got so cramped and tired that I couldn’t hang on to even the easiest holds, I decided to check out the weight room.  There were so many ambiguous-looking machines!  I haven’t been in a weight room since middle school, so I pretty much walked around like a creeper and watched all the other people so I’d know how to use the weights.  I did find a pull-up bar, and struggled my way through a grand total of …………….. 3 pull-ups.  I could do like 10 or 12 two summers ago!  Something to work on, I guess.  And then I found this other thing that you sit on and hook your feet under one part and grab onto another part with your hands and then pull your feet and your hands together.  Supposedly works your abs.  Well, I don’t know what I was doing wrong, I even set the weights to the lowest setting, but I heaved and yanked and couldn’t get the darn thing to move even a little bit! 

    And now, a day later, all of my muscles are like “WE HATES YOUUUUUU!!!!”  




   Edit: I was going to use Operation "Get Hott(-er) for Wedding" but I didn't want to sound vainglorious.  That's not true.  I've just always wanted to use "vainglorious" in a sentence.