Taking too much Tylenol can damage your corners

         I've started working at a medical clinic here in Oakland. And by “working,” I mean “volunteering once a week.” I started last week, so this Monday was my second day. It's called Street Level Health Project, you can look it up. The clinic is staffed by volunteers who do everything from admitting patients to taking vitals and blood glucose to dispensing meds and administering vaccines. It's way more than anyone would be allowed to do in the real world, that's for sure! I'd really been missing the medical field (I've worked in medicine in some capacity for six straight years) so it was really great to get back in the saddle.

        The clinic starts at 10 and goes until about 330 or 4 or whenever the last patient goes home. We see 20 patients a day, which doesn't actually sound like a lot, but when it takes at least 20 minutes to haltingly stumble through unfamiliar Spanish words and try to awkwardly explain what a Pap smear is, 20 patients is a LOT. I haven't actually had to explain that. But someday it will happen and it will be awkward. Our main patient demographic is Hispanic, but we also have a lot of Mongolians and some black people. The Hispanics are often Mam-speaking Mayans from Guatemala, which is cool. We have a Mongolian translator available, thank goodness, and we're supposed to have a Mam one too, but so far we haven't needed him.

Today I met an Ethiopian man who spoke Amharic as his first language, which is not a language I had ever heard of. He also spoke English, but not very well, so that was interesting. I also checked in a lady from Peru. She used to be a doctor in Peru, but now she is trying to find work as a substitute teacher, which is sad. I know that most medical school standards in other countries are lower than in the US, but still, jeez, what a career-change! But it was kind of nice, because I didn't have to explain how to do a breast self-exam or explain about STIs or anything. When I was talking to another lady, from Mexico, I tried to tell her that taking 8 Tylenol a day for cramps was a bad idea because it was bad for your kidneys. But I confused “rinyon,” which is “kidney,” for “rincon,” which is “corner.” So I told her that taking 8 Tylenol a day was a bad idea because it could damage her corners. And that makes no sense at all.

          I also checked in a guy who wanted a medical marijuana card. I was like “Are you taking any medication?” and he was like “Depends on what you mean by 'medication'” and I was like “Well why don't you tell me what you think is medication and I'll tell you if it is or not?” and then he was like “Well, I want a medical marijuana card,” and I was like “um... I'll make a note of that and get back to you.” And the whole time I was like “We are not in Kansas right now.” Because while we do smoke marijuana in Kansas, we definitely don't go around being like “I smoke marijuana!” I mean, at Bethel, people do it all the time, but it's still illegal and not talked about in public. But here was this guy, just like “I want a medical marijuana card!” So I told the clinic supervisor and she was like “Oh yeah, we do that, just let the doctor know!” And I was like “..............................................................ok..... definitely not in Kansas right now.........................” So that was a new experience.

           I also learned how to give flu vaccines! It is oddly satisfying, being able to just stab someone with a needle and have them be ok with it. And I learned how NOT to put the stethoscope prongs in. It's very important – if you do it the right way, sys/dia is clear as day. If not, well, you look like a fool when you say you can't hear their BP and then you have to do it again.